Why Aren't These Bunny PJs Made In My Size, & Other Unanswerable Questions

Monday, 15 October 2018

Dear GAP,
Please make these bunny pjs in my size. I would pay an extraordinary sum to wear them every day from now until my 30th birthday {And, possibly, beyond}

Dear people that keep messing up my name update on official documents despite having several points of reference to check your input against,
That isn’t my name. That was never my name. I’m confused as to how you even came up with that one?

Dear avo plant,
I’m sorry I let you come close to death while your papa was on holiday. I tried so hard not to let you die. I will continue trying to revive you. But I might have to give up soon ‘cuz you’re looking kinda moldy and people are starting to talk

Dear early firework displays,
On the behalf of dog owners everywhere, please hang fire until the one designated day a year that we know to prepare for you. Our pooches aren’t reacting well to your whimsy

Dear that offer I made to prepare Christmas dinner for 8 this year,

Dear church service we attended in honour of our niece yesterday,
She’s two. Has she even had enough time on this earth to commit the amount of sins you asked her to apologise for? I’m not sure I’VE even been alive long enough for that…

Dear husband,
You were asleep by 9:30pm last night. You are now officially old. But I love you anyway ;)

Your sincerely,
Lottie xx

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