Like, Ever

Thursday, 11 October 2018


I have been in one hell of a mood this week, for several reasons, all entirely related to PMS. D has been very good to me, warming hot water bottles and running me baths and the such like, but I have still been a monster {thank you and sorry.}

Last night - in both my mind and in my message history - the elevation of my mood was a lost cause. I had resigned myself to an evening of misery. I was all ready to cry into a box of mini rolls. And then, out of nowhere, a WhatsApp pinged on my phone, and completely changed my mood

It was an update on Leora's love life (previously documented here)

AKA my favourite non-televised drama

AKA, I am now officially living for these dramz

Here is what I was told...

Leora, mob wife wannabe extraordinaire, has been in an on-off relationship with Max*, a boy she was using to get back at Alfie*, her boyfriend of 4 years. As previously noted, I'm disapproving of this tactic because while in some ways it is wily, in others it's kinda mean {also of the opinion that Max was being a jellyfish, and needed to get his spine in gear. Perhaps a harsh analysis of an 8 year old, but there we go}

WELL, this week, Max took the advice I had not yet given him {because I don't actually know him, and that would be a little stranger danger}, and metaphorically grew a pair.

He took Leora to one side, he told her 'I don't love you' and, just like that, it was over. Brutal, but possibly well deserved, I'm sure you'll agree

Leora, in true Leora fashion, took the news well {in public, at least} and, in her incredibly sassy stride, once again rose above a very public dumping. She is the Regina George of the playground, so is probably busy telling people he only really cared about his mum and his friends anyway which, as we know, is not OK by RG standards

Max was confused by this response. It played with his mind. It made him think 'what have I done?' And so, seeing how cool and collected his former flame was being about the end of their affair, Max began to question his actions. And while I like to imagine him screaming 'WHY GOD WHY' whilst on his knees in a rainstorm, clutching a picture of our girl close to his chest as he wept, in reality, he probs just decided it at lunchtime over a sandwich, dead casual like

And, in true evidence that the boy has grown, he did something about it

Taking his love life into his own hands once more {go Max!} Max approached Leora, and asked her to have him back. He knows he was wrong, she is the only one for him, etc.

And Leora's response?

Was to sing

In his face

We are never, ever getting back together, by goddess swift

And to sashay away.

This child is my hero

... I have nothing left to teach her.

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