Thoughts On Marriage | One Month In

Sunday, 30 September 2018

Here's the thing: everyone will tell you that being married doesn't change anything. 'It feels exactly the same,' 'everything goes back to normal as soon as the day has ended,' etc. But, in my experience so far, that's not exactly true.

We got married a month ago today (wahay!) and while it's true that not a lot has changed in terms of day to day life, I certainly *feel* different. My family sitch is less than conventional, which has always left me feeling mildly untethered. My best friends are my family (alongside my mum), but as for the big, smiling hallmark card of a family some others may have, I had nada. Getting married has left me with a feeling of... security, is probably the best word for it, the kind I imagine others get when posing for said Hallmark card. Emotional security is so underrated, and it's what I feel I now have. With that, I feel more at peace in myself - I've done it, I've chosen someone to spend the rest of my days with and, in a way, it's one thing ticked off the lifelong to do list. We all want to be loved, and now I'm guaranteed that long term. And if not, I'm at least guaranteed a nice divorce settlement, bitch better have my money if he decides to leave. I will not stay classy, San Diego ;)

With that peace comes a freedom. Freedom to change my career and not feel anxious about how I'll support myself while training (I won't be sponging off my husband, I have my own income, but it's nice to know he is happy to help me if I need it, and I now feel more at ease accepting that help), freedom to want to have children at some point, without worrying what will happen if things don't go according to plan,  freedom to look to the future without that doubt of 'but will he even be in my future?' And freedom to love. Without boundaries, as cheesy as that is and as much as I'm cringing writing this down. Love for my husband, and love for the other loves of my life - my best friends, because romantic love isn't the only love you need, and it's not the only love that matters, either. Y'all have a piece of me, chaps, I'm not going anywhere.

As for the first month of marriage? It's been a lot of fun. We've had a minimoon, we've planned for our future, we've eaten a lot of pie and chocolate brownies and spag bol soaked in red wine (a specialty of mine. Always with the alcohol infused red meat), we've got stuck in spring cleaning our house and carrying on with the home reno that got ignored during wedding prep, and cleaning every room to within an inch of our lives. My loving husband is scrubbing the bathroom right now, in fact, as I watch Veronica Mars in my dressing gown. So yeah, married life is going pretty much according to plan.

I would highly recommend ;)


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